Swinger Lifestyle – Ultimate Guide to Swinging by True Swingers

by Kyle and Stephanie

I asked my wife if she wanted to dance, of course she said yes. We moved to the floor, moderately jammed. Soon we were joined by another attractive couple, my wife moved to him, his wife flowed to me. Within moments, I saw his hand flow down to my wife’s ass, I was holding the strange woman to me, kissing her. The contract was unspoken, we traipsed from the dance floor into a room with two beds. A very short time later we were all naked, I was playing with my new partner, my wife was above her new lover joyfully having her way with him.

My wife Stephanie and I (Kyle) are swingers, we were at a swing club. This kind of behavior is expected in our circles. We call it the Swinger LifeStyle.

sexy lifestyle couple in the bed

How to Become a Swinger

Swingers, married couples that are less than strictly monogamous, have been around since old testament times. We have our kink, we like to have sex with others for fun and to add to our emotional well being. For those who can handle it, many couples can’t, it can be an uplifting part of their marriage. Love actually increases, sex between the wife and her husband takes a turn for the better.

It usually starts out when one person, usually the husband but not always, gets an itch. He brings up his fantasy to his partner, if she isn’t turned off by the idea they discuss it, fantasize about it, eventually they might decide to do something about it. My wife and I got started in our forties, we were watching our children grow and begin to leave the house, we were bored with our sexual routines, we wanted something different. We had both had a number of sexual partners before we got married, we shared our remembrances with each other as a form of foreplay. Then I asked, “What about that hot guy you used to date. If I was okay with it, would you like to go to bed with him again?” Although she wisely decided it might not be the best choice, we began to speak of others we might like to invite into our bed. It took years for us to finally work up the nerve to actually meet swingers, but we decided one night to go to a swing club near us.

Of course, while our story is typical, other people have other reasons, other ways of getting into the LifeStyle. Two young people who have been hooking up since their college days might decide that just because they’re now “a couple”, it doesn’t mean they have to stop seeing other people. A woman might wish to dabble in bisexuality, a daydream that’s been hanging around for decades. One of the pair might be suddenly attracted to a friend, rather than cheat and have an affair they decide to be open about it. An evening that includes a bit too much alcohol sometimes ends up with two couples naked in a hot tub or over a poker game, nature takes it’s course, the next day they decide it was fun, let’s do it again! There are many ways to initiate a step into the swinger lifeStyle, if no one gets hurt any of them can be right for that particular couple.

The Hurdles

If you and your partner think this sounds like a good idea, there are obstacles. Opportunity, who do we do it with, when and where? Boundaries, how far do we want to go with this? You may be uncomfortable with your body, think no one could possibly be interested in you. (On that score, you’re wrong. Everyone is attractive in their own way to someone else.)

Then there’s the big one, jealousy. Society has taught us from the time we were little that once you get married you can never fool around with anyone else, such behavior is immoral. Breaking through that barrier is usually confounding, it can even be traumatic. It’s hard, the first time, to see your spouse holding someone else, being intimate with them. Your stomach does flip-flops, as his penis slides into her warmth you might wish to call out, “No, don’t do it!” Many couples that slide up to the brink never jump over just because of the green eyed monster.

The swinger lifeStyle certainly isn’t for everyone. But for every couple considering this, the antidote to jealousy and nervousness is communications. Talk with each other every step of the way, from fantasy to the hundredth time you’ve done this. What do you want? Are you comfortable? What did or didn’t you like? Is that couple (or single) someone you’d like to see again? When a married couple doesn’t connect with each other, it invariably leads to drama, the enemy of harmony. We’ve seen couples argue with each other, even divorce because they weren’t on the same page. Your spouse should be the most important person in your relationship, the love of your life, what they want and need should rule the marriage.

Getting Started or Where to Find and Meet True Swingers

But after you’ve talked it out, decided to give it a shot, how do you meet swingers?

First of all, I seriously recommend you don’t contact any of your good friends or someone you work with, find out if they think you’re as sexy as you think they are. While the run up and the actual event might be a lot of fun, there’s always the after. What happens when you decide you don’t want to see them anymore? Will they talk about you, let everyone else know what you’ve done? Will you want to see their smirk everytime you pass them in the hall?

online swinger dating

Online Sites

One way you can find swingers is to join an online best swingers site. I’m not talking about Craigslist or Ashley Madison, because there is little control those sites are full of fakes and dangers. Some of the most popular websites for swingers to try are Swingers Date Club (review here), Kasidie (review here), and Swing Lifestyle (review here). Once you’ve found one that seems comfortable to you, create a swinger personal ad profile on that site. Pictures of both of you are almost a necessity for attracting others. They can be g-rated, you don’t have to get nude, and you should certainly blur your faces so you won’t get recognized. In the text, be honest and complete; minimal profiles rarely get noticed. The best sites require a payment to unlock all of the features; I suggest you go ahead and subscribe for a month or three – you’ll be taken more seriously by experienced swingers.

Within a short time, you should find a few people you’re interested in. Send an introductory email to them. Don’t be surprised if they don’t email back, it happens more often than it should. When you do get a response, email back and forth a few times, but remember the objective is to meet in person! If you find yourself in an endless loop of emails and chats, there’s a good chance you’re talking with a man or couple who has no desire to actually meet. After the fourth email, ask when you can get together for a coffee or drink. If they hem and haw, move on to someone else.

So, you set up a date. Both of you should dress nicely, but not like a slut. You’re trying to impress! When you meet them, you’ll know within a half hour if they are to your liking. If they aren’t, be nice but be honest – tell them you’re just not into them. If they are, ask for a second date or, even better, suggest heading for someplace nice and quiet – a hotel, one of your houses – and have a wonderful time. Too many dates peter out simply because no one says, “We like you, let’s go!”

Clubs

Another way to find swingers is to head for a swingers club. There are many around the United States and in other countries. A fairly complete list of swinger ads is on SwingLifestyle under the “Swingers Clubs” tab or at Swingers Club List.

Every club is different, and they are what you want them to be. Many couples go for the first time having an agreement that nothing will happen with other local swingers. A “typical” night at a club involves dancing, petting, perhaps a dip in the hot tub or pool if they have one, some time in a private room, even if it’s just the two of you. Talk with other people; just tell them straight off you’re there just to see what it’s like. If you’re both willing, something might happen, go with it. If not, well you’ve had an interesting night.

Parties

There are parties arranged by swingers in their homes. If you get invited to one, bring a bottle of wine or beer, perhaps a dish of food. Again, they are all different, from quiet soirees to all out orgies. The great thing is you can do what you want, or nothing at all.

Cruises

For more experienced swingers there are vacations available. You can find the most pleasure experience on swinger cruises provided by Bliss Cruises, Couples Cruises, and Desire Cruises. All offer ships that offer LifeStyle options such as parties and clothing optional that appeal to LifeStyle clients.

Resorts

In addition, there are destinations that are tailor made for meeting other couples interested in sex. The resorts like Hedonism II in Jamaica, Desire Resort & Spa in Cancun, and the Rooftop Resort in Hollywood, Florida all offer facilities and events for Lifestyle couples.

Types of Swinging

Perhaps you’re the kind of people who want a boost to their sex life, but are concerned about actual intercourse with other people. Don’t worry, there are options for you.

Some people just want to watch other people have sex, or wouldn’t mind someone watching them in the act. Voyeurism is alive and well in the Swinger LifeStyle, no one is going to think less of you because of it.

Many couples would like to interact with others, but don’t want to go all the way. That’s okay, simply let the other couple know you’re into soft-swap. That means you’ll hug them, take your clothes off with them, perhaps even engage in oral sex. But when it comes to coitus, you swap back and complete with your own partner. When you let the other couple know about this they may decide not to play with you. Don’t worry, it’s their loss, isn’t it?

And, of course, there’s full-swap. Anything you desire is available here. Some couples like to play next to each other on the same bed or in the same area, where they can hear the songs of their partners as they engage with someone else, watch the erotic dance. Others enjoy separate rooms, when they concentrate more on the charms of their temporary companion.

The configuration doesn’t necessarily have to be two women and two men. Many enjoy threesomes, either two men and one woman (MFM), or two women and one man (FMF). There are orgies, more than four people all enjoying each other at once. Bisexuality is common in the LifeStyle, although women engage with each other more often then men do. Whatever your particular fantasy is, you should be able to find compatible partners after a little searching.

Rules of Swinging

Are there expectations in swinging? Of course there are.

Before engaging for the first time, every couple should talk honestly about what they want to happen, their fantasies, what the worries are. (As with anything else, the concerns often turn out to be more frightening than the reality. You just have to try it to find out.) My wife and I have a habit of discussing each experience afterwards. We find it hot, leading to great sex between us, and if something happened we either want more or less of, we learn about that.

essential rules on swinger lifestyle

The most important Rule of Swinging is the word “No!” It is your body. Don’t let anybody talk you into doing anything you don’t want to do. You have the right to nix anything at any time, before it happens, even while it’s happening. Try to be nice about it, but be firm.

Each local swinger couple also has it’s own rules. The use of condoms should be discussed for prevention of pregnancy and protection against some STDs. A couple we know doesn’t have any problem having sex with us, but dislikes kissing.

It’s a good idea that you agree not to “take one for the team.” Fairly often you’ll run into a couple where one person is attractive, let’s say it’s a hot blond woman, but the other is less exciting. The wife in the couple may agree to go ahead with the liaison so her husband can have a great time, but usually this causes resentment down the line.

There’s always the kinky side of sex. Do you want to engage in S&M, anal, or other oddities? Again, whatever you want to do is fine, as long as your partners agree. On the other hand, if you don’t want to, don’t.

When things get hot and heavy and you find you have a desire that you’ve already nixed with your partner, don’t change your rules on the spur of the moment. Maybe you’ve agreed to use condoms, but you realize that bareback would feel so much better. Wear the raincoat this time, then after it’s over bring it up with your wife. You might be surprised, she might embrace the idea. But if you make a unilateral decision, you can expect unhappiness to result.

Most Lifestyle couples try to be somewhat discreet. They don’t want their vanilla friends and family to know about their kink, a quite realistic worry. When you create swinger personals don’t use your real names, use a zip code a couple of miles away from you, blur the faces in your picture. That way when you meet swingers, you’ll be sure to have a level of deniability. My wife and I have never been outed.

A common concern is bumping into someone you know who is also in the swinger lifestyle. In over twenty years, my wife and I have only had that happen once. Remember, they have just as much to lose by letting the secret out as you do. In reality, it’s not much of a problem.

Most couples start out with a somewhat concrete expectation of what they want, what they are willing to do. As they travel the path of swinging, perusing swinger ads, they tend to find out their attitudes change, they’re willing to relax or change their rules. That’s okay, growing is part of life, and the swinging LifeStyle.

Closure

If you and your spouse are thinking of sex outside the marriage, swinging can be a great way to scratch the itch. Once you’ve talked about it, decided to go ahead, the experiences can lead to increased passion and love between you. It’s much safer than a cheating affair, the emotions are easier to handle.

And, for the right couple, it’s a heck of a lot of fun.

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